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[Alltag] - Zehn Regeln für Freunde der TochterIch habe gestern in weiser Voraussicht diese 10 Regeln in großen Lettern an unsere Holzpforte geschlagen:
"Daddy’s Rules for Dating His Daughters
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is getting ready, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine."
Quelle: thegospelcoalition.org |
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[Webfundstücke] - Fast Food in der WerbungSO sollte eigentlich Werbung für Fast Food aussehen (müssen?).
Das wär dann echtes "What you see is what you get" :-)
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[Webfundstücke] - Video der Woche - MP3-Experiment Nummer 7Die Amis machen schon merkwürdige Dinge, die so im griesgrämigen Deutschland nie denkbar wären - oder ist das hier nur ein Fake?
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[Politik] - Grüne gegen alles
Die Grünen machen massiv Front gegen die Bahn, wollen aber auch keine Autos und sind gegen das Fliegen wegen der Kerosinabgase. Wie soll man denn nach deren Meinung in Zukunft schnell von A nach B kommen? Auf Jute-Socken?
Die Grünen sind die neue “Alles dagegen“-Partei. |
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[Politik] - ParteispendenvisualisierungHier gibt es eine sehr schöne Visualisierung der größeren Parteispenden (über 50.000€) - Welche Partei hat von welcher Firma oder Lobbyvereinigung wieviel erhalten?
Einige Dinge, die sich aus so einer Visualisierung schnell ablesen lassen:
- Es gibt große Konzerne, die an alle großen Parteien gleichmäßig spenden: BMW, Allianz, Porsche,
- Nur an Schwarz/Gelb spendeten:
- Verband der Bayerischen Metall- und Elektroindustrie e.V.
- Südwestmetall
- Substantia AG
- Bankhaus Sal. Oppenheim
- Familie Quandt
- MERCATOR
- Nur an die GRÜNEN spendete:
- Nur an die SPD spendete:
- Die CDU sowieso aber auch die FDP haben jeweils viel mehr Spenden als die SPD bekommen. Und setzen das nun seit über einem Jahr auch fleißig in "Politik" um.
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[GUIuiui] - Gute Typographie für VorträgeWunderbare Tipps zur Typographie von Vorträgen/Präsentationen gibt Christoph Koeberlin in einem ausführlichen Beitrag bei ueberzeugend-praesentieren.de.
Wenn jeder Vortragende auch nur 1/3 der Tipps beherzigen würde, wären wir zumindest optisch bei vielen Präsentationen einen großen Schritt weiter.
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[Bits&Bytes] - Neuartiges Eingabegerät für Adobe LightroomWas machen Informatiker, wenn ihnen langweilig ist? Richtig, sie tüfteln scheinbar sinnlose aber dennoch beeindruckende Gimmicks aus.
Wie dieser Kollege hier, der ein Audio-Mischpult kurzhand an Lightroom "angeschlossen" hat und nun mit echten Schiebereglern seine Fotos bearbeiten kann:
Das ganze gibt's auch als OpenSource-Projekt:
Paddy, the free workflow improvement program for Lightroom
"Paddy radically improves the workflow in Lightroom 3.0 by allowing you assign any adjustment setting - including moving the sliders and applying a preset - to essentially any key, your number keypad, external keypads, and MIDI controller knobs and sliders. This gives you all editing (and some other) tools of Lightroom at the push of a button or a physical slider on a MIDI controller. You do not need the mouse any more to get to presets or to adjust the sliders." |
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[Alltag] - Putzige Lokalredakteure und die Polizeimeldung
Volksstimme vom 05.10.2010 |
Was es nicht so alles gibt: Festplattenbrenner.
Kannte ich bisher nicht. Klärt mich auf, was ist das? |
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[Alltag] - Dicke Fische in der Elbe
Vorhin beim Spaziergang im Herrenkrug sehr viele und sehr dicke Fische in der Elbe gesehen.
Hat sich also wassertechnisch die letzten 20 Jahre seit dem Ende der DDR was zum Positiven getan. |
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